The Weekly Encourager – June 3, 2015 – The Discipline of Love

We were depressed at a wedding, and even more depressed on our anniversary three days later.

My husband and I have been married 36 years, yet we still struggle with the same difficult issue that keeps coming up. My single friends, do you think it's hard to go to weddings when you're single? Let me tell you, it's even harder when you're married and your marriage is not measuring up to the beautiful ideal portrayed in the ceremony. Yet, God's timing is perfect. Of course we wanted to be there to rejoice with this dear young couple who seem so well suited for each other, and so loving. The Lord also had a few things to say to us.

“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures.” 1 Corinthians 13:7 NLT Being at a wedding and hearing the description of true love from the Bible is inspiring and convicting. In our personal struggle, sometimes we are discouraged that we can't seem to get it right. But this passage is first a description of God's love for us. This is the model for us to emulate, the goal that we strive for, yet it cannot happen completely in this life. Sin will always cloud our sky here. There is no perfect marriage until the wedding of Jesus Christ to His bride, the church, in Heaven.

At the wedding reception, I talked with another guest about what makes a marriage last. We agreed that there were three factors: commitment, commitment, and commitment. You have to be absolutely determined to make it work, no matter what happens. The stubborn bull-headedness Dave and I got from our Scots-Irish mountain heritage is a positive trait, for it helps us to persevere. When external forces work against us, we tend to grow closer in our marriage, but what about problems from within? What happens when your desires are not fulfilled, your expectations are not met? What happens when the other person just can't give you what you thought you would get in marriage?

Again, God's timing is perfect. In a study of Psalms, I hit Psalm 23 just before the wedding, and it hit me. This passage is often read at funerals, but maybe it should be read at weddings as well. “The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.” Psalm 23:1 The Lord gives me refreshment, “He prepares a table before me...my cup overflows…” etc. Newlyweds should know that there are just as many problems in marriage as there are in singleness. No matter how happy you are on your wedding day, there will be days when you have to “fight the good fight” to stay married. It takes self-discipline to remain positive, and to retain a Biblical view of relationships, but the Lord will provide.

God's Word says, “My God will supply all your needs.” Philippians 4:19 This is a promise given to every believer in Christ! But what can it mean when it feels like your needs aren't being met? That's where discipline comes in. Look more closely. It says, “My God will supply all your needs IN CHRIST JESUS,” not “in your spouse.” Psalm 23 says the One fulfilling my every need and giving me a supremely satisfying life is “THE LORD,” not “my spouse.” We dare not look to our spouse to give what only God can provide: true and total love, deep contentment, the peace that passes understanding.

If married, we dare not complain to the Lord [or anyone else] about the spouse God has provided. Adam and Eve complained, and it was sin. We are called to be thankful in ALL things, knowing that the Lord works ALL things for our good. Yes, that includes not getting good things we want (a successful romantic relationship, for example, or a better job, children, good health, a thriving church, etc.). It's all part of the discipline of love: God is disciplining us because He loves us with an everlasting love. He loves us so much that He wants to train us in righteousness, and that includes looking to Him to meet all our needs.

“Delight yourself IN THE LORD and HE will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 What?! If I'm not getting the desire of my heart, then I must be desiring something that He has not chosen to give me at this time. This is not a reason to get depressed, but to ask God for increased faith and hope, to trust that His plan is the best for me. His ways are higher than my ways, His wisdom is beyond my understanding. His kind of love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:7-8 NASB

What's getting you down: marriage or some other issue? I have found that the only way to fight depression is with discipline: God's and ours. Don't give up! He's doing His part; now we have to seek Him diligently, sincerely, habitually. We must pray without ceasing, and be thankful always. We must abide in the Word and in prayer and in song and in fellowship with other pilgrims on the path. We're all just walking each other home. Jesus is walking beside us, showing the way to joy.

This earth is not my home; my home is in Heaven, where Christ is. “Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23:6

God is faithful,
j