The Weekly Encourager – June 30, 2016 – Communication in Marriage

This is the second half of the short talk on marriage I gave at a recent bridal shower. Part One was about the inevitable culture clash of marriage. Part Two is about communication as a solution to this culture clash.

Communication!

We've seen that there is culture clash in every marriage, yet Scripture holds up a wonderful pattern of godly marriage with such terms as “bone of my bone” and “helpmeet.” Ephesians says “there is one body, one spirit, one hope and one Lord!” How can this happen when we're so different? Only with the Holy Spirit's help will you begin to experience the joy of this special communion between husband and wife. It's been said that Christian marriage is like a triangle. God is at the top, and the two partners are at the bottom corners. As each person grows closer to the Lord, he grows closer to the other person as well. This is an excellent picture. If you want a closer relationship, abide in Christ. If you want better communication with your spouse, communicate with God regularly, diligently, honestly. God will work in you the blessed fruit of the Spirit through prayer.

Pray with your spouse, too. There is no faster way to get close to another person than through praying together. You are addressing the Creator of the Universe and the Sustainer of Life. Believe me, not only is He worthy of praise, but He has the answers to all of your problems.

Now, here's some practical advice on communication between husband and wife from my own experience.

First, before you get into a disagreement, ask: have you both eaten, slept, exercised? Did someone have a hard day at work? Is someone sick or in pain? Is it that time of the month? Much drama can be avoided if we take care of basic physical needs before taking on a troublesome topic. Human bodies need tending. There's a time to speak, and a time to be silent. Pray for the wisdom to know the difference!

Next, ask yourself, is the problem one of submission to your husband's leadership, or is it an issue that must be raised? Some Christians are taught that a wife must never disagree with her husband on any matter, even when his decision may hurt her, but I find that there are situations that call for wives to speak up in order to give husbands all the information they need. But you must do it gently, guarding his ego. Ephesians 5:33 says, “the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Here the Word of God sums up the essential need of every husband in just one word: respect. Many jokes have been made about the male ego, but the fact is that God made men to long for the respect of others, especially his wife. Remember that your husband must answer to God for how he served you as leader. Make it pleasant for him to lead you. God calls you to humility.

No marriage is perfect. I can guarantee you that there will be problems. What matters is not how big the problem, but how big your heart. When you disagree, make every effort to fight fair. This means that your arguments must be productive; they must advance the cause. Contrary to how you may feel at the time, personal vindication is not the cause! This is not about you or him winning the argument, but God forming in each of you the likeness of Jesus Christ.

Attack the problem, not the person. Reaffirm areas of agreement often. Learn to solve problems together by maintaining good communication with God and one another. Let your partner know that you can be trusted to tell the truth, to be kind, and to keep private matters private. Finally, as Christians, each person should desire to be the first to apologize and the first to forgive. By doing this you will grow true character, as every act of submission becomes a means of exaltation in Christ.

I'll conclude with this prayer:

“May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” - Romans 15:5-6

“O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.”- Psalm 34:3

God is faithful,

I welcome your comments below.