The Weekly Encourager – February 6, 2020 – Falling World

Well, I fell again yesterday, on the same knee in the same place as before. So discouraging, when I had almost recovered from the previous injury (April) and surgery (August). Rhetorical questions abound.

Why is this happening again?! I have literally lost count of the number of times I’ve fallen over the years and ended up with broken bones or serious sprains or, in 2019, a torn meniscus and eventual meniscectomy (after much delay). Yes, I could say I’m naturally clumsy, my feet are way too small for my height (short levers are unstable), the yoga mat I slipped on had lost its stickiness and needed to be retired, etc. Most curiously, I had a strange feeling that morning that I was a little out of it and I should stay home from Pilates! Whether that was the Holy Spirit talking or a gut feeling, why didn’t I listen? Simply because I’ve been so happy getting back to all my exercise classes. I said, “I need to get strong again. I can do this! #girlpower” In fact, only a few hours before, I had told my prayer partner that everything was going very well in my life. I felt good, I was accomplishing my goals, I was healthy and thankful for many good things. Then I had to go and fall the very next morning. Coincidence?

As a Christian, I believe there is no such thing as coincidence. Ultimately, why does any bad thing happen? The answer is that we live in a fallen world (and for me, that means a falling world). Because of sin, we have injuries and diseases and crime and abuse and pride and stupidity and grief. And these things hurt! One of the reasons I didn’t write many Encouragers over the summer was because I was in so much pain for many months. Here’s an excerpt from my journal from July 7, 2019.

“After being so healthy and fit for most of my life, it’s hard to deal with chronic pain in my knees. There are nights when pain keeps me awake, and I cry out to the Lord, ‘Lord, take it away!’ How insignificant is my puny pain compared with Jesus on the cross! He, too, asked for the cup of pain to be taken away, but God said no. That unfathomable cup was destined to be part of Jesus’ journey. How can I be thankful in all things? Even in pain? Even in being sidelined from most of my regular activities? Yet, as Spurgeon said, ‘I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.’ I just hate to be limited in any way (which is why I never wanted to get drunk). I always want to be in full control of all my powers. But this is illusion. I’ve never been in control. Mind blown.”

J.I. Packer wrote, “The author of Ecclesiastes has taught me that it is folly to suppose that you can plan life and master it, and you will get hurt if you try. You must acknowledge the sovereignty of God and leave the wisdom to Him.” Over and over again, the Lord is showing me that I’m not actually in charge of my own life. For the last couple of weeks, as I’ve been almost fully recovered, I’ve had renewed energy to tackle my work and achieve good goals. I finally finished a quilt that was started many years ago, and I learned that two other quilts were juried into a major quilt show. Yay! Now being on bedrest means I have to cancel things right and left. I probably won’t be able to go see that major show in February, or take our other long-planned trip in March. Bummer.

Good news, bad news. My goals, His goals. Evidently there’s something I need to learn from falling, because it keeps happening. One of the worst parts is the big guilt I feel at having to ask my husband to come home from work to take me to the doctor, especially knowing he’s particularly needed at his job right now, and he’s frustrated that the work project is not coming together as planned. The last thing I want to do is to take him away from work and make him wait on me! Both of us are highly independent and avoid asking others for help. Well, we have a lot of pride around here. And we all know that pride goeth before a fall.

As I’ve been reading Revelation, the overall theme I’m seeing is that Jesus is “King of kings and Lord of lords.” Here’s a key verse I’ve been meditating on: “‘I am the Alpha and the Omega,’ says the Lord God, ‘who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.’” He knows the present, past, and future, and He superintends it all. He has that kind of power and control over all of history. Guess what? I’m not in control. He alone is worthy of our eternal praise. Let us fall down before the Throne of Grace and seek His face.

God is faithful,
j