The Weekly Encourager – March 12, 2020 – I Am an Addict

Confession: I am an addict. If you’re new to The Encourager, this may not be what you were expecting to read, but those of you who have known me for a while know that I’m a straight shooter.

I’m not addicted to drugs, alcohol, or tobacco, but to approval. That’s right, I’m an approval junkie. Because of my early life experiences, I am very familiar with constant criticism, rejection, abuse, and abandonment. My past has colored everything I am today, in good ways and bad. For various reasons, I’m always looking for the approval I didn’t feel from my family. Now that my mother has been dead for many years, and both my father and my brother live far away, I’m not looking so much for their approval any more. I am looking for the approval of everyone else in my life.

The Holy Spirit has been doing a deep work in me during these past few weeks. The series of sermons on Jonah was very convicting. There was the second fall on my knee, with a new realization that, as Jonah had his vain idols, I had made an idol of my health. “It is from God alone that you have your life through Christ Jesus.” I Corinthians 1:30 On our recent church women’s retreat, I heard speaker Melissa Kruger talk about coveting vs. contentment. I took several pages of notes, as many things she said hit home. Signing up for the retreat, I didn’t think I personally had much of a problem with envy. Then she started breaking it down into categories and giving examples of each, and BAM! The Lord was revealing things I had buried in the back closet of my heart.

Kruger discussed several areas in which we covet (more on that later), but the one that hit me the most during the retreat was “gifts and abilities.” Be honest: have you ever longed to have someone else’s gift or skill? We know that God gives each of us gifts that are blessings from His generous nature. The gifts are meant to edify and enable the church. In other words, if I have a talent in music, I need to be using that gift in some way to lift up other believers, so that they draw closer to Christ. If I’m a good organizer, I can plan events to facilitate fellowship. And so on. I do have these gifts, and I do use them to encourage others. However, I also sometimes brag about my gifts. It may be very bold or very subtle, depending on the situation, but I’m finally admitting this publicly for the first time. Sin flourishes in secrecy, so let’s get this out there! I’m addicted to approval.

With the retreat revelations still swirling in my mind, something else has come to the forefront. Communication with a good friend has become more difficult, even painful at times. As I get to know this friend better, it turns out that we have a lot in common in terms of our life experiences, interests, worldview, abilities, personality, etc. She’s a sincere Christian woman with much to offer, but her gifts have not always been noticed, appreciated, or welcomed. She was also abused and abandoned in her youth. Guess what?! We’re both dying for approval. So when we’re together, it’s easy to interpret things through that filter. If she explains something to me more than once, I think she’s insulting my intelligence. If I have to explain something to her more than once, I feel like she doesn’t believe me. And on it goes. Rather than cooperating, we’re competing for attention. I don’t think the scripture about “iron sharpening iron” means that my baggage keeps bumping into her baggage, but maybe so. LOL

I’m willing to admit that everyone needs approval, but some of us are more messed up than others in this area. The Lord is kindly and gently showing me that my need for approval can lead to boasting in my abilities. Boasting implies that I myself had something to do with my abilities, rather than them being gifts from God which He could retract at any time. My need for approval can also lead to comparing my gifts with others’ gifts, which is one short step away from coveting, rather than being content with my lot in life. Coveting implies that the all-powerful God is not being good to me. It’s my pride judging God’s actions and character. It’s assuming that God doesn’t love me as much as the other person, because He gave me the “elven rope” rather than the “shiny daggers.”

Do you see how it’s bad either way? I desperately need to be noticed-appreciated-accepted-admired-respected-approved-liked-loved. Hello, social media!! The Apostle Paul said, “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” Romans 12:3 An approval junkie can swing both ways. If I boast, I am thinking more highly of myself than I ought to think. But if I covet, I am thinking too lowly of myself, until it becomes a pity party – then I’m thinking too highly again. Thus the pattern of addiction and sin.

We need to be valued. If I boast, I am coveting the glory of God! I am asking that I receive the glory myself for God’s good gifts. But if I wrongly desire the talent, situation, possessions, relationship, or anything else that another person has, then I am coveting the gifts of God! Coveting either God’s glory or His gifts is a fearsome thought. Not only does that break the Tenth Commandment (Exodus 20:17), that was Satan’s sin when he was cast out of the Garden. Woe unto me!

Thanks be to God for salvation in Jesus Christ! He alone is the One whose approval each person truly longs for, truly needs. I don’t need the false idol of man’s approval, but the life-changing truth of God’s approval of me in Christ. I need to soak myself in Scripture, not self-adulation or self-condemnation. A Christian retailer sells a necklace with four words on it: Created, Chosen, Celebrated, Cherished. They call this necklace “God’s Heart for You.” Well, that sums it up. God’s heart for me is love. He loved me while I was dead in trespasses and sin. He brought me up out of a miry pit and set me on solid ground, that I might shine for His glory. Satan was cast out of God’s presence for sin; but I, fully guilty of the same sin, am brought into God’s presence by the Cross. Thank You, Jesus! Because of Your great sacrifice, my life has eternal value. I have all that I need. I want for nothing.

A hymn by Stuart Townend says, “I will not boast in anything: no gifts, no power, no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection. Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart: His wounds have paid my ransom.”

God is faithful,
j