The Weekly Encourager - January 13, 2011 - Pray and Persevere

A discouraged friend just called me about her children and their struggles in school.  While I do not claim to have a one-stop answer to her particular situation, I know that the Lord does have all the answers she needs.  He possesses all wisdom, combined with all goodness, and we can be sure that prayers for help in child-rearing will get answered, for they must be in line with His will!

Over and over I find myself saying to younger parents, pray and persevere.  I try to remind them of certain basic truths, but then it comes down to each person wrestling in prayer and trying to live out the principles in the Bible in her own situation.  Do not grow weary in well-doing.  Here are some basics to remember:

1. God loves you and has a plan for your life.  It's not an accident that you got these particular children, with these particular strengths and weaknesses.  Your children are some of God's most powerful tools to mold you into the image of Christ.

2. God loves your child and has a plan for his life.  It's not an accident that he got you and your spouse as parents, with your particular strengths and weaknesses.  You and your spouse are some of God's most powerful tools to mold your child into the image of Christ.

3. When struggling with an immediate problem, get concrete help.  For example, the child with ADD who is not completing homework may benefit from certain study aids such as blank walls around the desk to minimize distraction, tools such as timers to keep her on track, personal helpers such as an ADD coach, etc.  These practical helps may be obtained from a variety of sources such as friends, teachers, counselors, books, online resources, CHADD and other groups geared toward ADD, etc.  Don't restrict yourself to "Christian" sources, for the Lord has given practical wisdom to many who do not believe.  Pray for discernment and glean the best from what's available, with the Scripture as your filter.

4. Remember that God has made our bodies and minds to function best in symbiosis.  Frequent angry outbursts from your son may be reduced by regular aerobic exercise.  Despondent complaints from your daughter may be reduced by better sleep and a healthier diet.  So many people look to expensive counseling or medications first, when they should be training their children in proper bodily care first.  [I am not saying that expensive counseling and/or medications are never warranted - I have benefited from both myself!  I'm only saying that we should examine physical factors first.]

5. Concrete help is great, but never neglect the deeper spiritual issues!  For example, is the failure to complete homework due to ADD or to a poor attitude?  It's our job as parents to teach respect for authority, desire for excellence, the value of hard work, and good time management.  By the time a child is old enough to have homework, she should:
     a) be practiced in listening to and obeying her parents. 
     b) know that when she pleases her parents and teachers, she's pleasing the Lord.
     c) understand that to be a good student is her primary calling in this stage of life; it's just as important as Daddy's or Mommy's job.
     d) know that doing her best in school will best prepare her to serve God and the community with the particular gifts God has given her. 
     e) be aware that laziness and workaholic tendencies are different sides of the same sin.  Her time belongs to the Lord, and all she does is subject to Him.

So what happens if you've said all these things a million times and your children don't seem to be "getting it?"  These skills come later for some children, so we pray and persevere.  I can tell you from personal experience that if you seek the Lord's help in this, He will answer!  You will see amazing changes in your "challenge child," and when it happens it is one of the greatest blessings you have known, and the source of great joy in the Lord.

6. Have a plan and stick to it.  Revise if necessary.  If what you're doing (or not doing) is not working any more, it's time to sit down with your spouse and prayerfully devise a new plan of action.  Then, united in Christ, sit down with the child (no siblings present, please) and tell him what the new rules and expectations will be.  Outline the rewards and punishments which you will deliver (it's sometimes helpful to ask the child what reward he wants).  Pray with the child for better behavior.  Encourage him to seek the Lord's help in his own private times with God.  This will take a lot of perseverance on your part to follow through when you'd rather be relaxing, but in so doing you will grow in faith and spare yourself and your child many regrets.

7. Recognize that you can't do this on your own.  You must call upon the Lord while He may be found, then you must act.  Every day you let a bad habit persist, you make it that much harder to change.  Pray without ceasing.  Rely upon the Lord.  Give thanks for every good thing you see in your children, especially growth in character.  For of what value is a fine education if the child loses his soul?  What good is a straight-A average if he won't obey God?  What good is the wisdom of this world without the wisdom of the Spirit?  Parents, pray and persevere.


God is faithful,
j

Copyright 2011 Janet A. Marney