The Weekly Encourager - 6 May 2003 - Children, Obey Your Parents

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." - Ephesians 6:1

Mothers, do you want to reduce your stress level? You must absolutely insist that your children obey you.

One of Satan's most insidious lies is that a child should be given in to because we feel sorry for him. Perhaps he has lost a parent, or has to deal with a difficult sibling, or has a challenging handicap. Satan makes use of our natural sympathies toward the child by suggesting an improper solution. "This poor child has had a tough time, let him have his way, just this once," he says. Nowhere is the old adage, "give him an inch, and he'll take a mile" more true than in parenting. The more leeway you allow the child in obeying your instruction, the more he will take.

I have seen this time and time again. For example, how many times have I been speaking with a friend and been repeatedly interrupted by her child? If the child has been taught to respect his mother's word, all he needs is one gentle reminder from her ("Jimmy, I'm on the phone now; I'll talk to you when I'm finished") and he goes off to find something else to do until mom is free to talk to him. What a contrast to the mom who enters into conversation with her child each time he interrupts, thus encouraging him to continue to disobey (and increasing her own stress level). Why would a child, sinful by nature, wait voluntarily for something he can get now?

Each time you let him have his way, you are teaching him to be disobedient. Even worse, you are training him not to value your word. The longer you wait to correct this, the harder it gets. I've seen four and five year olds who were not required to obey mom, and at fourteen and fifteen they were getting into more serious trouble. You can't expect them to "grow out of it" if you don't do your job. Instead, their lack of respect for you will extend to others in authority, and you will see your children start to have trouble with teachers, coaches, employers, and the law. How much better to correct the child when you still have might, as well as right, on your side. Far easier, tiring as it is at the time, to spank the toddler than to persuade the teen, highly skilled in the arts of debate and emotional manipulation and possessing far more energy than we!

But, no matter what the age, it's never too late to start meaning what you say. Tell Jimmy that the next time he interrupts, unless it is for a life-threatening emergency, he will be punished (spanking, sent to room, deprived of something he wants, given a chore, sent to bed, etc., as appropriate for the child and his age), and then, follow through. Simply do what you said you would do, let your yes be yes, and your no be no. He will respect you because he respects the punishment. Sorry, but he's a sinner, and this is the only way.

I encourage you to remember that God has given you this authority and this child to raise, so He will enable you to do what is right. He's on your side. In fact, we can only succeed by leaning on His strength. We are tired, but He has power to spare! That same power that raised Christ Jesus from the dead is available to parents. Trust in Him and do it His way, and you will find your family more at peace.

In Christ's strength,