The Weekly Encourager – April 10, 2016 – The Life You Have Now

“Occasionally, weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wipe your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have. “- John Piper

I don't know about you, but I'm struggling with the “if onlys” and “what ifs” of my life. I've had serious discussions with four different people this week on the same topic: what have I done with my life, and what I am doing going forward? Having made the decision to stay home with our children for 18 years meant saying Yes to some things and No to others. I look at my personality type, educational opportunities, and the “powerful” people I've been fortunate to meet, and I see how easily my life could have gone in a different direction. I could have been so very successful! I sometimes feel inferior when others of similar age and gifts seem to have advanced so much farther in the same amount of time. I feel uncomfortable in this very career-oriented city when people ask, “What do you do?” which is invariably the first (and sometimes the only) question in the DC area. Worst of all is the sense of self-doubt. Am I good enough? Am I really using the gifts God gave me to their full potential? Have I failed Him?

Studying Romans this year with a group of women has reminded me that eternal salvation does not depend upon my achievement or success in any way. It's not about me, but about God choosing to bestow a gracious gift of mercy on an undeserving sinner. So I have no doubt of my salvation, thanks be to God. Over the years as a believer, I have tried to make the best decision I could at each step, given the knowledge I had. Dave and I came from divorced unhappy families, so we reached out to every mature Christian couple we knew to get advice. We chose to marry for life, to serve the Lord better together than we could apart. In important ways, our parents were not there for us, so we wanted to be more involved in our children's lives. Both Dave and I made definite career choices based on values that were different than those of our parents, co-workers and the city in which we live. By applying Biblical principles with the Lord's help, we've been able to keep our marriage together and raise healthy kids (now adults) who still enjoy seeing us. We've opened our home, enjoying the blessings of friendship. Especially valuable to us are the younger folks we've “adopted” in the same way that some older Christians “adopted” us when we were just starting out. We've been able to serve our church and the community in various ways. Shouldn't this be enough?

Last weekend I was fortunate to attend an excellent conference for professional fiber artists (we make art quilts for the wall, not the bed). While some of us were talking informally, I said I wished I had more time to make art. In response, two people, trying to be helpful, were grilling me about why I didn't spend more time on my art so that I could produce more work to sell. One was even trying to introduce me to Google Calendar! (Clearly she didn't know me at all.) This conversation was a test from the Lord. It would have been easy to despair, but as I recited the many other things I do in my life, I saw that I had made other choices about how to spend my time. Hearing this, the two people literally turned their backs on me and walked away.

It's fair to say that for most artists, art is their whole life. Whether painters, musicians, writers, or dancers, they walk, talk, eat, and sleep their art 24/7. It's the same for successful athletes, CEOs or great scientists. I've never been able to do that. I've done bits and pieces of many different careers, never devoting myself completely to one thing. Life is just too short to try only one flavor of ice cream! I appreciate, however, that there are some people who are called to make only vanilla, and to make it the best vanilla possible, as their gift to the world. That's great for them, but it's not how I'm made. My career goal was Renaissance woman! So why do I feel bad when I meet others who dismiss me?

God has brought me to this city, at this time, with this husband, these relationships, these skills, at this age in my life. I have had these particular opportunities and these sorrowful limitations, and with those I made these choices. It's no use looking at where other people are and what they have achieved. Every thought of envy means that Satan has me right where he wants me! Jealousy is conduct unbecoming to a Christian. Feeling inferior is conduct unbecoming to a Christian. Regretting my health issues is conduct unbecoming to a Christian. I am called to bloom where I'm planted, and to give thanks.

A few weeks ago, Dave and I had a bunch of people in their 20s and 30s over to our home for dinner, then for brunch the next day. As we were talking and laughing around the table, one person told me I was their “surrogate mother.” This was like a golden bowl of honey lowered to me from Heaven. I was very conscious of what a supreme honor this person was bestowing, and I remembered the fact that several young adults have called me their second mom. Given my values, there is no higher compliment I could receive.

When I was talking to those two well-meaning artists at the conference, the Lord showed me that my priorities are different. I AM doing my ideal job, and apparently God has enabled me to do it well. Practicing hospitality and mentoring young adults are more important goals to me than being a CEO, musician, book author, teacher, psychologist, linguist, event planner, or artist [some of my other interests/careers]. So instead of weeping over what did not happen, I need to rejoice over what did. May I “embrace the life I have” and glorify God in it.

God is faithful and good,
j